I’m Running Dry

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The thing is, the thing is that what you’ve been doing really did make me sad. Why would you under whatever circumstances ever assume that I wasn’t worth the fight anymore? Why did you give up so fast? Did you have to see me in tears, see me hurt, in order to pull it together? Why is it always you drifting away from me? If I didn’t fight for you, if I didn’t come and talk to you about it would you have just let me slip? Do you love me hard enough to fight for me? To keep me around? To not watch me, or feel me walk away and still do nothing about it? What kind of love is this? It’s not what I imagined how things would be like with you. I got into this thinking this is it. I love this man. I love him more than i have ever loved before. I love how we came to find each other, the story, the struggle, the pain, all of it. But you lack major initiative, and if anything is going to eventually poison us, and send us plummeting to the ground it’s that. It’s your lack of fighting for the people you love. You need to realize that by time, that will cost you everyone in your life. People need to know when they are loved. People need to know when someone is willing to go through hell and back for them. It’s not a matter or words, it’s intangible. It’s something you feel deep in your bones, a little voice that fights away your doubts when the going gets tough. If that’s not there to vend off the doubts and the insecurities, then you’d better start fighting away these doubts yourself. I need you to come here and make these thoughts go away. I can’t do it on my own. I can’t make them go away, cause if I do.. if I send these doubts running for the hills, they’re going to take you with them. I’m running dry, and it’s your job send this drought away. Please.

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Uncomfortable Comfort

Comfort is a good thing. Comfort makes us happy, when you’re comfortable with a person, it means you trust this person. It means you love them. It means that you can be your full self in front of him/ her without having to worry about being judged, questioned or made fun of. You get to be you. And that’s great. But, there’s a thin line between comfortable, and TOO comfortable. Feeling like a person is TOO comfortable, just makes you feel like you’re being taken for granted. It feels like the other person isn’t trying as hard. Especially when you know full well that you’d never do the same thing to them. You feel neglected. You feel hurt. You feel a bit used. I’ve been struggling for the past few days to find something worth writing about to post on my blog, but then i realized that the purpose of my blog was to keep it real, and “straight from the heart”.
Love is unconditional. Sometimes you do things for each other, and don’t really expect much in return. Love consists of little moments. Moments where in the smallest most insignificant of acts, you see, actually see, how the other person feels about you. You allow yourself to become transparent, you become vulnerable but, fear stays at bay because you trust that this person won’t hurt you, or take you for granted. Those are the things that count, or these are the ones that count the most to me, anyways.

This World we Call Home

The truth is, as children, we were all taught to believe in fairytales. If you drop your glass slipper, someone will pick it up for you. If you fall into eternal slumber, true love’s kiss will wake you up. Whatever storyline your life follows, you’re programmed to believe in happily ever afters. Such a beautiful lie. My words are usually happy and hopeful, but this time, i’m here to call it out as it is. Well, enough to leave you with a slight hint of pessimism, infused with a touch of hope. We all start off as bright, hopeful kids, and slowly, reality poisons us. Your fantasies and fables slowly begin to dilute and fade. No, Santa Clause does not exist. Neither does the Easter Bunny, nor does the Tooth Fairy. Our fears were as little as we were. Fear of the dark, fear of monsters hiding under the bed, fear of losing a game of Pokémon cards.
As we get older though, the dark becomes real. Monsters become rapers, harassers and killers. Our innocent games of Pokémon cards morph into never ending battles of financial status. A battle that will never end unless YOU decide to fold your cards. You see, life is a lot bigger than all these troubles, no matter how overwhelming they may be. It’s imperative to be aware of what goes on around us; sad as it is, this creates balance in life. Sure, we need money, and harassers do exist. You can’t have good without the bad. But if you take the time to realize that beyond the scope of non existent fairytales and fables there lies a happier more exciting life, trust me, you’ll never see things the same way again.

Through Different Eyes

“Every one’s experience is different.”

A line I always say when it comes to different life situations. It’s true.

We don’t all lead the same lives; no two people grow up with the same experiences even if they were brought up under the same roof. How else would you explain how some siblings end up being polar opposites? One could be kind, the other not so much, one could be caring and the other not, and so on.
This theory, or quote, or whatever you want to call it, also applies to many different aspects in one’s life. I’ll take a leap here and jump into the topic of relationships since this is what seems to be on my mind this morning. When you’re sad, or when you need advice from people you turn to your friends, your family, whomever you’re most comfortable with and seek their knowledge and wisdom because they know exactly what to say to make you feel better. They know what to say and how to say it. That’s exactly it though; whatever advice they give you will be completely biased. They’ll see your situation through the lens of their own life and give you advice accordingly. Chances are, you’re taking advice from your friend (X) who has been screwed over, and cheated on and dumped one too many times. How do you think her advice is doing to be? She’s always going to assume that the guy you’re dating is a jerk and an asshole and will always advise you to stray away from any good quality you may share with your significant other.

That being said, I think id like to add that I always like to believe that my experience with my boyfriend is different. This topic is debatable, since the opposing argument is “guys will be guys, and they’re all the same in the end”, but still, sometimes trusting in something more, something bigger, something like faith in the relationship, or comfort in knowing that the person you chose to be with is all the wonderful things you think he/she is, then that’s enough to set your mind at rest. I have faith in us. And I’m pretty sure our experience with one another will be like no other- no matter what. (It has been already)
Of course we’ve had our ups, and downs and all that, but that doesn’t take away from the strength of what we share.
Trust that all experiences are different.

You’ll be surprised.

The Power of the Mind

It’s crazy where you mind can take you sometimes. People don’t generally realize/ know this but your mind is so powerful! So strong, it can take you from one mental state to the next in mere seconds. It never stops working, it’s constantly on the run, the wheels never seizing for a minute (unless you know how to meditate, it’s different then). That’s why people are so big on “The Secret” and the power of manifestation, i believe in that. I really do. I’ve seen it happen to people, and I’ve had multiple experiences where i thought about something in particular, or “manifested” it in other words, and it came true. Sometimes though i find myself thinking of bad things, things that bring me down, and of course, misery likes company, so you know i just sit there for hours simmering in my own bad thoughts. That’s not healthy though, negativity yields more negativity. I guess what i’m trying to say here is that you need to start realizing how powerful your thoughts really are, and the toll they take on your life. You know? It’s been proven that certain women have the ability to induce a “False Pregnancy”! If you haven’t guessed it from the name already, that means that a woman- just using her thoughts- can imagine herself being pregnant, and her body will respond. Her belly will swell up, and she may even get all the symptoms that go hand in hand with pregnancy, you know, morning sickness, nausea, the whole 9-yards.
Just realize your capabilities. Realize that the mind is a powerful tool we all have in our arsenal (well, some of us anyways.)
Please be careful what you do with it. Life is a wonderful thing, don’t let your thoughts ruin it for you.
Stay Weird.

N

How Late is too Late?

Make time before it’s too late. People pass, friendships fade and opportunities disappear. Just make sure you don’t go taking your life for granted because you never know what the future holds. Try to make most moments count. Never replace todays with tomorrows but always know that there’s always tomorrow if things don’t go according to plan today.
PS, Plans never really work out anyways so don’t dwell. Smile, the world loves you.
Stay Weird

It Will Be The Unspoken Words That End Us

It Will Be The Unspoken Words That End Us (repost)

Thought Catalog

Flickr, Anthony RodermanFlickr, Anthony Roderman

If I could map all my heartbreaks they would span three continents and 15 cities, but yours was the only history I wanted to share. Unanswered prayers whispered in the dark took the form of your unsure nakedness too near mine. When we lied still, I could feel the weight of our bodies, where men had planted flags and laid claim for centuries. Every breath a reclamation. I was the ebb; you the flow.  

In the beginning we traded stories like playing cards. You told me about losing your mother. I told you about finding mine. You talked about how your tongue curled against itself when you tried to learn English. I recalled how cold and dark it was in the room where they taught us to forget our culture and regret our past.  

And in the mornings I didn’t want to shower. I wanted…

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Choose wisely. So, what’s it gonna be?

Life is a series of choices.
No matter how indecisive you seem, no matter how confused you are, ultimately, a decision has to be made. Most times we already know what we want. I, for example; one of the most indecisive people in the world, always know, deep down, what I really want. What is right for me. What tranquilizes my curiosity. But yet, in the given moment I always seem.. well, confused. People frown upon the way i make my choices sometimes, but what they don’t realize, is that enclosed within the spectrum of one choice, there lies infinite possibilities. Even in the smallest of every day choices, there lies an immense range of various potential paths. A choice as simple as going to the supermarket to pick up some groceries. Or, going out for a jog, or maybe even going downstairs to pick up something you left in your car. One small decision can alter the route of your course. I always used to tell my bestfriend, “I understand, there are days when you feel lazy, and tired. Where all you want to do really is sit in bed with a nice hot cup of tea and watch a movie. Which is alright by the way, sometimes we need lazy days. But, do know that while you’re sitting here doing.. nothing, there’s a 99.9% chance that when you leave the house something will happen. Even if it’s just that walk you took, or that can of coke you picked up. That’s still something, isn’t it?” She used to look at me funny, like i was, weird. I knew she understood me though. She knew what i meant. And she knew it well too. We are all connected, on small step you take today may have a huge impact on your life, or maybe someone else’s life. Who knows. But I think I like taking that chance. Makes life exciting. There’s something new waiting out there for you everyday, it’s your choice whether you reach up and grab it, or leave it hanging there with the rest of day’s possibilities. Choose wisely.

So, what’s it gonna be?
Stay weird.
N

Acceptance is Key

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Acceptance.

A Word that carries a heavy weight, don’t you think?
I learned a thing or two about acceptance this week.
What does it mean to truly accept a situation, a person, or a flaw? It’s easier said than done. Like anything else in life. Acceptance is great once achieved. You take “x” in as is. No questions, no judgments, just acceptance. It’s peaceful. It’s comforting. I like it.
It means knowing that I do not have total control over everything in life, and accepting it. Maybe some things are harder to accept than others, but in the end, once learned, i guess it’s one of the greatest lessons in life that one can learn.
Accept yourself.
Accept your family.
Accept those who love you.
Acceptance.